blue heartache
by ulstergirl
Summary: Written for Yuletide 2013. Nancy's family is afraid she won't be home for Christmas this year.


**While this story is third in a series, it's entirely standalone and can be read without knowledge of the previous stories.**

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"Hi, Mr. Nickerson. Do you want me to take them to the waiting area for you?"

Ned looked down at his son, whose hand was firmly in his. Nick, their eight-year-old, was tall for his age and slender, his dark eyes troubled. Katie, two-and-a-half, was sucking her thumb, cuddled up against Ned's shoulder. He shifted her weight and she blinked at him, her blue eyes wide. Her fine dark hair was loose to her shoulders.

They both wanted to see their mother. Ned couldn't deny them that.

He shook his head, giving the nurse a wan smile. "No, thanks. They want to see her."

The nurse nodded back. "Okay. The doctor will be with you soon."

The car accident had been no one's fault, not really. Nancy had been on her way back home from the grocery store late Saturday afternoon, and Nick had been with her; road conditions had been terrible during the sudden snowstorm, visibility poor. A woman driving a minivan had gone out of control and fishtailed, and when she had hit Nancy's car, it had gone down a ravine and crashed into the edge of the woods.

Ned had been at the convention center at the time, coordinating an offsite workshop for a large corporation. As soon as he had received the call, though, he had turned things over to his assistant and headed to the hospital.

Nick was all right. He was bruised from where the seatbelt had locked, holding him in place, and he had received a superficial cut when the windshield had shattered; otherwise, he was okay. Nancy's injuries had been much worse. In the time since the accident, since she had been brought to the hospital, she had been under sedation and hadn't regained consciousness.

Ned had been to Nancy's room every day, and he knew the way by heart. The waiting areas in the hospital, the nurse's stations, were decorated with miniature Christmas trees, poinsettias, stuffed snowmen and reindeer with pink cheeks and exaggerated eyes. When Ned's parents had come to visit their daughter-in-law a few days earlier, Edith had brought a small tree for her, too. The tiny white lights glowed steadily in its artificial branches, and a small star sat atop it.

Nancy looked much the same as she had during Ned's last visit. He hated to see her cheek bruised purple and yellow; he hated to see the cuts and scrapes on her pale skin. Her left arm, broken during the crash, was in a cast. As soon as he put her down at the edge of Nancy's bed, Katie gently patted her mother's hip, gazing into her blank, slack face.

"Mommy," Katie whispered. "Mommy, wake up."

"She needs her rest," Ned whispered. "It's all right, Katie."

Katie whimpered, then squirmed so she was cuddled against her mother's side, opposite the cast. She popped her thumb into her mouth.

Nick sighed. "I'm sorry, Mom," he murmured.

Ned wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders. "It wasn't your fault," he told his son. "We talked about it. It wasn't, okay? And she wouldn't want you blaming yourself for it."

Nick had been changing the radio station at the time of the accident, and had somehow decided that it had distracted his mother and contributed to it. Ned had assured him that it hadn't, but he also knew that his reassurances would only go so far. Nick needed to hear his mother say that it wasn't his fault, and for as long as she was injured so badly, he was going to be upset. They all were.

Nick took a few steps toward the bed, then gently touched his mother's hand. Ned looked at the large red and white Christmas bouquet he had ordered a few days ago, the flowers from Bess and George, her father and Hannah, even from Frank and Joe Hardy. If sheer concern could make her better, she would be awake already, he knew. Katie had drawn her mother a picture, and it was posted near the television set, which was always on and never watched.

The doctor entered a few minutes later. "I've just had a chance to look at the latest test results," she told Ned. "Oh. Hello, there. I'm Dr. Ramirez."

Katie and Nick nodded at her, eyes wide.

Dr. Ramirez turned back to Ned. "The swelling has gone down, and her results are good. She'll be coming off sedation today."

Ned smiled, feeling his eyes prick with tears. "Good. That's good. Do you think we'll be able to take her home soon?"

"That depends on a lot of factors." Dr. Ramirez gave him an apologetic smile. "I'm sure you want her home for Christmas, and we'll do everything we can to get her home. If her recovery goes well, I know she'll be home for New Year's."

Katie fell asleep cuddled against her mother, and Ned and Nick settled in the chair beside the bed. Ned clasped his wife's hand, and Nick leaned against his father.

"I hope Mom's home for Christmas," he said. "It would be so awful if she wasn't."

"Yeah," Ned agreed. "It really would. It just doesn't feel the same without her there with us."

A few hours later, Nancy finally began to stir. It felt like years had passed, but as soon as she released a low moan, Katie sat up, rubbing at her bleary eyes, and Nick leaned forward too. "Mom?"

"Mommy?" Katie whispered.

"Mmm. Hey," Nancy whispered, her voice rough. "Hey sweetheart."

"Mom, I'm so sorry," Nick said.

"Mmm. Nick. Oh, baby, I'm so glad you're okay," Nancy said, smiling at him. "You're all right?"

Nick nodded. "I'm okay, I'm just so sorry—I didn't mean to do anything..."

Katie was cuddled against Nancy's side again, and Nancy raised her hand to pat Nick's arm. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"I... I was playing with the radio..."

Nancy shook her head slowly, her brow furrowed. Ned could tell she was in some pain. "Nick, baby, it wasn't your fault," she said slowly. "It wasn't. It was the weather and that other car ran into us. It's okay."

Nick let out a stifled sob and hugged Nancy, and she wrapped her arm around him, tousling his hair gently. She looked up at Ned, shifting a little, and he saw her grimace in pain.

"Hey Nan."

"Hey," she said softly, giving him a small smile as he bent to kiss her forehead.

"I'm so glad you're awake."

The nurse came in then to check her over, and Nick reluctantly released his mother, his face streaked with tears, his dark eyes wet-lashed. He hugged Ned as the nurse checked Nancy's vitals and asked how she was feeling.

"How long have I been here?" Nancy asked slowly, but at least her voice was clear.

"Four days," the nurse told her.

Nancy gasped in dismay. "So today is—"

"Christmas Eve," Ned nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh no," Nancy moaned. "Oh no. Four days?"

"You should be happy," the nurse told her evenly. "The wreck was awful, and now that the swelling has gone down, you can start recovering."

Ned nodded. "So just concentrate on getting better, okay?" He stroked an uninjured place on her forehead. "We're just so glad you're all right, and knowing that you're going to be okay is the best Christmas present we could ask for."

Katie nodded solemnly. "Come home," she told her mother. "Miss you, Mommy."

Nancy smiled. "I've missed you too. All of you."

Dr. Ramirez didn't say that Nancy was okay to be discharged from the hospital until the day after Christmas, and while Ned and the children were disappointed, they didn't want her home until she was ready. They stopped by to see her on Christmas day anyway, in the morning and then again that night, eager to bring her home. Since the roads were bad, Carson stayed at the house to watch his grandchildren while Ned went to the hospital to pick up his wife. The nice wool peacoat she had been wearing at the time of the accident had been ripped and stained with blood, so he brought a large puffy winter coat a few years old, one roomy enough to keep from hurting her injured arm.

After he settled her into the passenger seat of his car, Nancy sighed, closing her eyes. "Oh, God, this is such a nightmare," she murmured. "I can't believe I missed Christmas, that the car was totaled... I'm just so glad Nick is okay."

"He's much better, now that you're awake."

Nancy shook her head again. "I wouldn't have forgiven myself, if he'd been hurt."

"And he wasn't going to forgive himself, either. He was so worried that he'd had something to do with it."

Nancy shook her head. "Of course he didn't. You told him, right?"

"I did. But it meant a lot more to him, to hear you say it."

Nancy reached over and touched Ned's knee with her good hand. "I love you, Ned."

"I love you too, honey. And when we get home... we have a surprise for you."

Nancy smiled. "Oh?"

"Yeah. The kids didn't want to do Christmas if you weren't there, so we decided to save it until today. They unwrapped the presents your dad and my parents gave them, but the ones we're giving them..."

"So Katie hasn't seen her playhouse yet?"

Ned shook his head. "Not yet."

"Oh, Ned... thank you. I'm so glad I get to see it."

Ned smiled at her. "I thought it might help cheer you up."

Nancy moved slowly up the front walk at their home, and Ned helped her steady herself on the slippery stone. When they walked in, all of them were there: Ned's parents, Nancy's father, and Hannah, Katie and Nick, and even Bess and George.

"Merry Christmas, Nan!"

Nancy smiled at her family and friends, tears rising in her eyes. "Thanks so much, guys. I'm sorry I'm a mess..."

Edith came over and gave her a gentle hug. "We'll be ready in about an hour," she said. "Ned, maybe you can help her get settled?"

"Ready?" Nancy tilted her head.

"Well, we knew you were in no condition to make Christmas dinner," Hannah pointed out with a smile. "So we're getting one ready for you. Now don't you worry at all, sweetie. We have it all covered."

Ned brought in the flowers and cards and stuffed animals his wife had received at the hospital, then helped her take a shower and towel-dry her hair. He helped her into a loose, stretchy sleeveless top and a red and black cardigan with soft black yoga pants, and once they were finished, she smiled at him. "Now I feel clean," she told him happily. "And a little exhausted, honestly."

"Do you want to take a nap?"

She shook her head. "No. I can wait until after we eat. I can't believe everyone's here..."

Ned smiled. "They wanted to do this for you," he told her. "The kids even decided to help out, too."

He reached down to help her up, and Nancy wrapped her good arm around him. "Thank you so much," she whispered. "I love you. I'm so glad the accident wasn't any worse... I can't believe it was almost all over, just that quickly..."

"But it wasn't." Ned embraced her gently and kissed the crown of her head. "I'm so glad you're home and safe with us. I love you, Nan."

Edith had decided to prepare the main course, Hannah the desserts, and they split everything else between them with Bess and George serving as sous chefs. Carson and James helped Nancy entertain the kids while Ned helped his mother and Hannah with whatever they needed. When they sat down, it was to a feast; they had glazed ham, mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts with garlic and butter, flaky buttery rolls and sweet yams with marshmallows, pineapple cheese casserole, fruit salad, and green beans. The dining room was crowded, but it was loud and happy. Katie sat on her father's knee so she would be close to her mother during the meal, and Nick sat at his mother's other side. Bess and George entertained them with stories of how their family dinners had been near-catastrophes, and by the end of it, they were all full to bursting.

Then they went to the den. The tree Nancy had set up and decorated with the children a few weeks earlier, before the accident, was twinkling, stacks of presents piled beneath. Ned distributed them, but the first present Katie tore into was the large box near the television.

She let out a shriek of pure glee. "Playhouse! _Playhouse_, Mommy!"

Nancy smiled at her. "Yes it is, baby. You like it?"

She nodded vehemently. "Oh so _pretty!_"

Nick had been begging his parents for a handheld gaming system, and when he unwrapped it, he let out his own triumphant cry. "Oh man! Thank you _so, so _much!"

"You're welcome, honey."

Ned smiled as he watched them tear through the rest of their gifts. The look of wonder on Katie's face was amazing; sometimes she was distracted by a toy and had to be reminded she had more to unwrap, and sometimes she tore through them like a giggling dervish. Nick took things more slowly, and once he was prompted to thank the person who gave him the next gift, he remembered for the rest.

Once all the gifts were unwrapped, Bess and George set to work helping put together Katie's playhouse, and James asked Nick to show him the microscope Carson had given him for his present. Once the wrapping paper, ribbon and tape were cleared up, Hannah and Edith collapsed into the recliners.

Katie was watching the playhouse assembly with avid interest, and then she climbed to her feet and ran over to her mother. "Mommy! Cake?"

"You want some cake, sweetheart?"

Ned shook his head. "Katie and Nick and I made some cupcakes for you." He leaned in and whispered in Nancy's ear, "Well, Katie tried to help and ended up covered in frosting. I took a picture for you, so you can see it."

Nancy smiled. "Well, I'm very full, Katie-bug," she said. "But maybe we could split one?"

Ned went into the kitchen and brought back the container they had carefully filled and decorated. WELCOME HOME MOM, they had spelled out with red and green frosting on vanilla-frosted cupcakes; the others were decorated with simple snowflakes and colored sugar.

Nancy smiled when she saw it. "Oh, thank you, sweethearts," she said, and when Katie beamed up at her she dropped a kiss on her daughter's forehead. She hugged Nick too, then turned to Ned. "Thank you, sweetheart."

Katie and Nick helped distribute cupcakes to everyone; Katie toddled over to George and Bess with one in each hand, her face a study in deliberation. When she returned to Nancy, her fingers and face were smeared with frosting, and she was grinning.

That night, Nancy was thoroughly exhausted. She bid all their guests farewell before she went to bed, and Ned helped clean up, played with Nick and Katie, and made sure to hug and thank all their guests when they left. Then he took Katie to give her a bath, and she smiled as she told him thank-you for her presents again.

Nick was standing beside his parents' bed when Ned walked into their bedroom. Nancy was sitting up, and she was hugging him. "I'm so happy you're okay, Nick," she told him, reaching up to ruffle his hair, and she smiled at him. "Get some rest, okay, sweetheart?"

Nick nodded, then kissed her cheek. "Love you, Mom."

"Love you too," she told him.

Ned made sure their son made it to bed, then returned to his wife. She was clearly uncomfortable with her cast, but she was on her side of the bed again, and he had missed sleeping beside her so much. The hours she worked at her job were long and demanding, and he knew that she had to be going crazy. She was always moving; to be grounded, unable to drive thanks to her pain medication...

But she had been due for a break, and he couldn't help it; he was glad that she was going to have some time off work, despite the terrible circumstances.

"Feeling okay, Nan? Need anything before I turn the light off?"

"Mmm. I'm okay," she told him, yawning. "Come to bed."

She relaxed against him with a sigh when he stretched out beside her. "Merry day after Christmas, Nan."

She chuckled. "Merry Christmas," she said softly. "I don't tell you enough how incredible you are, honey. But you are. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me either," Ned said with a soft chuckle. "Get your rest, sweetheart. I'm sure that as soon as that cast comes off, you'll be back on your computer researching cases sixteen hours a day."

"Mmm. But until then, helping Katie play with her playhouse doesn't sound so bad," she murmured. "I love you... and it was so hard to sleep without you."

"It was hard for me to sleep without you too," Ned murmured, then kissed her temple. "And I want you to know, every second of every day, that I love you with all my heart. I always have."

"And I've always loved you," she whispered. "You and our babies. I love you so much."

In the morning, Ned opened the bedroom door to see Katie just coming out of her bedroom, her hair sticking up, still dressed in her dinosaur pajamas. She gave her father a wide grin. "Mommy 'wake?"

"Not yet, Katie-bug," he told her, and picked her up. "Should we make Mommy some pancakes? Think that would be good?"

Katie clapped, then gave her father a kiss. "Mommy home," she murmured happily, then cuddled against him as he carried her to the kitchen.

"Yeah," he whispered, giving her a kiss too. "Mommy's home."


End file.
